Alston sent me this email today & I thought it was funny enough to share. Enjoy the laughs!
Getting married before you are 25 is like picking a movie to rent from the A-F aisle in a video store without checking anywhere else. Yeah you skipped "You Got Served", but you also skipped "Indiana Jones", "The Godfather", and sex with other people.
The thing I admire about the rat tail is that it takes commitment. It's not like one day you just decide you want one, you have to grow out that bad boy and you have to repeatedly convince the hairdresser to trust you because it's a great idea.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Quit calling yourself fat if you are clearly not fat. I am not going to say you're not anymore. I'm just going to nod and make that ehhhh kinda sound.
"Seemed like a good idea at the time" is always the right answer.
I have a hard time understanding commercials for TVs that try to show how vivid the picture is on their brand of TVs. I'm still watching your commercial on my shitty one.
In Home Depot today I saw a product called "Liquid Tape.” That sounds an awful lot like glue....
It might look like I'm enjoying the cool music on my iPod with my headphones on, but I'm secretly listening to your conversation.
Hey eyelid twitch - thanks for fulfilling my life long dream of looking like a serial killer about to go on a rampage.
"If you could get this turned in by tonight that would be great, but really anytime next week is fine." Next Friday it is then.
Whenever it's below freezing, and you see a girl walking to the bar without a coat on, you should definitely make a move on her. You already know she's into bad decisions.
Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.